Cave...

there is a cave
a deep one
beyond this beautiful forest
forest of flowers and leaves and trees and wind

this cave is star-lit dark, deep and silent

adorned by flowers and forest on the front it is rarely seen by the passerbys

sometimes when the world is too much
i walk into my cave
and spend hours here
talking to the silence
listening to the noise outside this silence
trying to think about silly things

like

what would happen if i could catch a star and stitch it into a dress
if i could fold the moon into a triangle
use sun as a bonfire in the cold misty nights
convert events of my life into musical notes
what kind of music would it be - shrieking, musical or plain out of tune
what is the color of my soul now
what was it when i was born
who was i in the other realm
who am i in the present one
what is my color - black, brown, or colorless
what is my composition
anti-matter or the matter
am i evil or pure or nothing
what mood is mine  - sad, happy or stone, plain stone
am i confident, under confident, conceited or plain idiot
am i closed or open
why do i giggle like a child
and cry like a heartbroken adult
am i a hero, a coward or non-existent entity

will this tiring journey ever end .....
or
i have miles and births to go

there are no visitors to this cave
absolutely none

the flower forest has many :))

the cave
and the noise of ocean beyond it
is arrested somewhere
deep
very deep
non-reachable
me.

nobody knows the address and the location of this spot. it does not exist for them.

Welcome to my Antique Shop...!!!

 

I run a small and indistinctive shop
I have trust, fidelity, love, honesty and some soul brands on my shelf..
In those olden days my shop used to be flooded
People liked experimenting with pure and long lasting stuff..
But now i am old..and tired..
Sitting alone and killing my time on my shelves
Dusting every piece of trust, honesty, fidelity etc..etc..
Waiting for a passer-by
Waiting for somebody who would at the least do a window shopping of ...
My precious collection

My shop is located just near that lane
Opposite the shop which sells money and lust..
It is a famous shop
Prominent location on the road..
So it is easy to locate my shop too...

Will you spread the word amongst your friend
Just in case...
They are on a look out for some brands of honesty, fidelity et al ....
They can drop by ..
All the products are everlasting and come with full life guarantee
If it does not work they can throw them in the nearby pond...!

Oh yes...
My shop’s name is

“Antique Collection”...

Written on April 13, 2009

Happy Birthday ..

Missing You.....

this one is for you doc :) !!

this one is for a dear blogger friend who showed enough trust in me and asked me to sketch a face we both liked ..VJ sorry...i have failed miserably in catching the spirit of the face..specifically the eyes ...

My love...My motherland!! Happy Republic Day Mother!!..

India was the richest country on earth till the British invasion in the 17th century.
India has never invaded any country in her last 10,000 year history.
India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
The world’s first university was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than 10,000 students from all over the world studied over 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
Sanskrit is the mother of all European languages. Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software (report in Forbes magazine, July 1987)
Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to man. Charaka, the father of medicine consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. Today Ayurveda is fast regaining its rightful place in society.
The art of Navigation was born in the river Sindh 6000 years ago. The very word ‘Navigation’ is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH. The word navy is also derived from Sanskrit ‘Nou’.
Bhaskaracharya calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. Time taken by earth to orbit the sun: (5th century) 365.258756484 days.
The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century long before the European mathematicians.
Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus came from India; Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11th century; The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 (10 to the power 6) whereas Indians used numbers as big as 1053 (10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 BC during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera 1012 (10 to the power of 12).
According to the Gemological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds to the world.
USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion in the world scientific community that the pioneer of Wireless communication was Prof. Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.
The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra, Gujarat (Western India). According to Saka King Rudradaman I of 150BC a beautiful lake called ‘Sudarshana’ was constructed on the hills of Raivataka during Chandragupta Maurya’s time.
Chess (Shataranj or Ashtapada) was invented in India.Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted complicated surgeries like cesareans, cataract, artificial limbs, fractures, urinary stones and even plastic surgery and brain surgery. Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient India. Over 125 surgical implements were used. A deep knowledge of anatomy, physiology, etiology, embryology, digestion, metabolism, genetics and immunity is also found in many texts.
When many cultures were nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established the Harappan culture in the Sidhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization).
The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.
Notable Quotes
Albert Einstein said: We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.
Mark Twain said: India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. Our most valuable and most structive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
French scholar Romain Rolland said: If there is one place on the face of the earth where all the dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India.
Hu Shih, former Ambassador of China to USA said: India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.
When the Maharaja of Patiala was snubbed by snooty British salesmen at a Rolls Royce showroom in the U.K., he hit back by buying up the entire consignment of 50 vehicles on display and turning them into garbage trucks back home. An English paper printed a picture and the story that made company representatives scurrying to Patiala with an olive branch.

i am nothing without YOU...

she initiated me into the blogging world... i was inspired when i saw her blog and she helped me build this holy void of mine...

• i was a small girl and some petals of a flower fell in my eyes while playing in school ground, she went mad... and threatened everybody with dire consequences if something would go wrong with my eyes..we were barely 7-8 yrs old then
• when during her college interview the panel thought it was ridiculous that i could be her local guardian since i was not married and i was not "old" enough , she chose to quit the college instead of seeing me being insulted infront of the panel - Miranda House was a dream and i was scared that she would not get the seat because of me..but she was not scared..she loved me too much to see anybody talk to me rudely -she did get the seat :) -  we were teenagers then
• i was hungry and i wanted to have chowmein- i did not know where i could locate it in north campus of delhi university - within 30 mts she was on the door of my hostel with a packet from her hostel canteen.. ... we must have been in our twenties or something 
• one morning she called me saying she had to tell me something urgent - she took me to her hostel room and gave me a surprise!! when i opened my eyes there was a brilliant new music system kept as my gift. she had saved her pocket money to buy it.... we were in our twenties or something 
• once we were sitting on a bus stand and a man made a gesture at me - she pounced at him and held him by his collar - i had to calm her down... i never missed a man in my life (movies say they protect you!!) when she was with me 
• when i grew old and started with my career after my masters, i could never have enough money in my first job- the place where i stayed was too expensive and my salary - lower than stipends of some well placed students. i would borrow from her every month and when i would go to return the money to her she would refuse it saying "ours is a relationship, not a business"
• when i started doing well in my job but had no time and still no saving for my hobbies i once expressed my violent urge to start with an oil paint when in real life i had never lifted a brush - she was there with a set of canvas, colors, brush and an easel  on my birthday, she continued getting me canvas pads later too and still loves to see my paintings..
• when i fell in love with a man who was a concept in my head she rang him up and i don't know what she told him (i never talked to him and she never told me) but i guess the essence was - don't mess with my sister and don't hurt her. i only came to know that she was in touch with him when  i got a message saying my sister was tensed since she was not able to locate me and she had rung him up asking about my whereabouts. i had forgotten to tell her that i was going for a night stay with a group of my friends at their house! 
• the most precious books of my library has come from her pocket money....
• now i am married with a kid - she still saves her pocket money and sends me kurtas and bags from delhi.  she sends gifts for my child too ! 

she was born my younger sister but i genuinely feel that once god had finished my creation he was worried who would actually love me and take care of me (given my schizophrenic idiosyncrasy) so he made her .... the other end - she the fair, the lovely, the caring, the strong, value oriented, soft and genuine... i call her my mother... she mothered me when i needed her ... 

she appears in all my predictive dreams along with my father 

i can never in words put across what she means to me , this song can perhaps give words to my feeling...

A supernova...

Lying on this dune here

The precise point where the sky and the desert meets

I look back and think

I was once a star... a supernova in the process

Then i fell off the sky

Wreathing in the anguish of separation with my mother sky...

Unbeknownst to this painful inferno inside me

People down there clapped their hands and asked for wishes

..then...i hit the earth

while the warm wind caressed my dead soul...

along with all the potentials of a supernova

And millions of black holes inside me

I turned into ash

Precisely

At this point where the sky and the desert meets 

an attempt... average one...

A message ....for my little one... loads of love , Maa

The master stroke!!!! What a genius HE is!!!!! a must watch!!

missing him :( ...

How To Save a Life video..A confession to make

I don't know about many people out there , but there have been times when i have thought of quitting. I do not judge people who are on the verge of it because i have been there. Being a psychologist by education i want to do something for this mental health issue. when you come back from the verge of it you realise how beautiful life is... how much there is to look forward to...and what a waste it would have been to escape when it was time to show mental strength. Though i also know that when you are on that plane of thought everything around you justifies its occurrence - feeling lonely, unloved, misunderstood nothing seems to make sense around you. but, once that phase is over you realise the blue sky is still sparkling with yellow sun, that the stars twinkle even in the dark, that there is mystery attached to the wind which can touch you without being seen... that the mother who bore you and father who caressed you, loved you much more than anybody and anything in this world...life is worth living... for our sake..for the sake of people who will be left far behind...with a load of guilt on their heart which they did not deserve...

i want to do something..but i am scared, under-confident of my skill sets ...and probably too cocooned to come out...

i miss you...:(

Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address- i miss him...........

The saint of silicon valley....

i dedicate this post to this man i have been missing sooo badly.... so much that words fail my expression... it has taken me so many days to come back and put this in whichever form i could.....i miss him...and i cry..

(famous lines from Pirates of Silicon Valley)-

Mike Markkula: Steve Wozniak's employee number one, you're number two.
Steve Jobs: Wait a minute. I'm employee number one. Woz?
Steve Wozniak: Doesn't matter to me.
Steve Jobs: I'm employee number one around here.
Mike Markkula: I'm not saying anything. I wasn't implying anything.
Steve Jobs: All right, then I'll be zero. Woz, you can be number one. I'll be zero. Okay? 

Steve Jobs: Good artists copy, great artists steal. 

Steve Jobs: I don't want you to think of this as just a film - some process of converting electrons and magnetic impulses into shapes and figures and sounds - no. Listen to me. We're here to make a dent in the universe. Otherwise, why even be here? We're creating a completely new consciousness, like an artist or a poet. We're rewriting the history of human thought with what we're doing. That's how you have to think of this.

---

Steve Jobs: Maybe in a past life I was a poet - or an artist. 

---

Steve Jobs: You are putting poison into your body.
Steve Wozniak: That's french fries, man. You know, all-American food?
Steve Jobs: That's what I'm talking about.
Steve Wozniak: Come on, I can't eat like you do. Eatin' fruit all the time? That's weird.
Steve Jobs: It's not weird. It's pure.
Share this quote

---

Steve Wozniak: Where's your beard?
Steve Jobs: In the bathroom sink. I shaved it off.
Steve Wozniak: Well, how come?
Steve Jobs: 'Cause banks don't like beards. 

Steve Jobs: What, like I have to have a moustache?
Steve Wozniak: A suit! You actually bought a suit! 

Steve Jobs: Maybe fun is just fragments of existence with better packaging. 

Steve Wozniak: I've always wondered what it was like for Steve. Ever since we were kids, everything he ever did was somewhere between a religious experience and some sort of crusade, like with this 

[Macintosh]

---

millions of galaxies and the milky ways...

standing in-front of the window
i look at the sky

i consist of
millions of galaxies and the milky-ways
thousands of black holes
and numerous event horizons
i walk around the house
knowing
i am the ONE
i exist everywhere
an iota
of the ONE
i shine with sheen so sparkling it blinds my eyes
the millions of galaxies and the inexplicable space out there
that's what i am made of

then......

i come back to my window
pick up my duster and start cleaning the glass
the person who will walk inside
will see
only a housewife
shabbily dressed, ready to cook and give bath to her child

the galaxies and the milky-ways
are not visible to the busy / educated world  :)

i had to share this with you all.. from facebook..

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between

-A man who flatters her - and a man who compliments her
-A man who spends money on her - and a man who invests in her
- A man who views her as property - and a man who views her properly
- A man who lusts after her - and a man who loves her
- A man who believes he is God's gift to women - and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man...

And then teach our boys to be that kind of a man

Thank you LaMont Lamontrepreneur Gilbert

PS: of course... this one goes for my daughters....and sons...for them to read my thots and know what i wanted from them...

the fallen star or the rising sun... time will tell ...

Once upon a time there was a king.

He was the king of heart for he was born unto a family with no tangible wealth. He dreamt, for dreaming was granted equally to both, poor and rich (in terms of wealth), by the "power" we call divinity

The princess was born unto him when he was very young. This princess was special, for she was born with a heart of a mother. she had siblings as years went by, but she was not a sister to them, she was their mother.

The king kept his princess like a pearl in his hand. loved her with his heart for she was the first-born. she was born with the special blessings and unlike other kids would not demand things from her father. She was born an understanding kid. during one of the trying periods of the king she survived on potatoes for days and did not complain!

When the king became wealthier he put her in a good school. She was so creative that her school had a room dedicated to her work displayed by her name. she was the fashion diva. she was good with her studies and she was a dutiful daughter and sister. she had a big friend circle and she laughed thru her life

Then she got married. had kids, and dreamt like her father, the king. She dreamt of a beautiful world for her kids.  slowly and gradually she gave away all her wealth to make sure her kids got the kingdom intact from her. she worked hard and really hard. very hard. Now, she had no jewelry, no fine clothes, no make up, no hair-do, no money, no saving
what she had was people's glance, their questions, the poverty, the ridicule

but remember.... she was born a princess!!! with the attitude and soul of a queen!!! she did not give up .. she fought thru her life like a brave queen... bogged by her physical and material issues... she is still fighting..

she is my hero

will she be the fallen star

or

a rising sun

time will tell....

i want to throw a prayer in this void and tell the power of ONE..... please wake up  

I am the Equinox.. DO NOT DEFINE ME PLEASE!

i am 12 hrs night
and 12 hrs day
equal
i am the equinox

i am the black

and i am the white

a perfect blend for grey

i am the question

i am the answer

the quest and the destination of the search

i am the winner

i am the loser

the humble and the arrogant

i am equal in length
intensity
breadth
balance
justice
sun spread
soaring wind
green trees
wide desert

i am 12 hrs night
i am 12 hrs day
i am an equal stretch
i am the  equinox

DO NOT TRY TO DEFINE ME...

Crystal memories in the transparent glassy cupboard...

(an old thought expressed on april 22, 2009)

There are memories
And there are layers of memories
I wrap each of them
Very carefully and tenderly
In satin and silk emotions
And put them
Neatly
In the glassy transparent cupboard of my psyche
To be protected by my white soul
And to be withdrawn in silent afternoons
Looked at, remembered and cherished
Felt, cried, touched, kissed, cradled
And then placed back ....
With a lingering desire to open them again....
In crisp afternoons..
During starry nights
When the waves of my emotions..
Touch a high..
And i go back to my ...
Glassy transparent cupboard...

Happy birthday my little one....

you gave me birth today.. .. cannot thank you enough my princess... i hope when you read this post in your youth you will understand the implication of my beginning line...

maa has no wealth to bequeath you with.. except her love, her books and her music cds passed on to her by your grandpa.. my father...

today i leave a dream in form of words for you as your birthday gift.. hope someday you will be able to comprehend it and know what i always had for you in my heart and in my mind...

if i am able to inculcate even a part of it (the letter below)  in you as a person... i will know my motherhood was blessed......

read it carefully my dear..


Abraham Lincoln’s letter to his son’s Teacher

Respected Teacher,

- My son will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero; that for every selfish politician, there is a dedicated leader.
- Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.
-Teach him to learn to lose and also to enjoy winning.
- Steer him away from envy, if you can.
- Teach him the secret of quite laughter. Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to tick.
- Teach him, if you can, the wonder of books.. but also give him quiet time to ponder over the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill –side.
-In school teach him it is far more honourable to fail than to cheat.
-Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if every one tells him they are wrong.
-Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with the tough.
-Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when every one is getting on the bandwagon.
-Teach him to listen to all men but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.
-Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he is sad. Teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him to scoff at cynics and to beware of too much sweetness.
-Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders; but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul.
-Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob… and to stand and fight if he thinks he’s right.
-Treat him gently; but do not cuddle him because only the test of fire makes fine steel.
-Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patience to be brave. '
-Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind.

This is a big order; but see what you can do. He is such a fine little fellow, my son.

Abraham Lincoln.

this world is an ocean...

it looked perfect!!
added so much beauty to the house
caught attention of visitors
kids loved watching them play ..

i also loved watching them

those small pink, blue and orange ones
they seemed so happy and playful in the created ocean
there was greenery in the tank
a few mountain like blocks put to make them feel at home
they were fed on time
admired by passerbys
the water was treated on schedule
and complete care was taken to see they did not catch any infection

in some calm afternoons
i would watch them
carefully and with concentration
i knew the small ones were happy
we took good care of them

but

there was this silver shark
in this fish tank
it refused to acknowledge that
this 17 ltr tank was its ocean
it knew it was not
i saw it very often
pushing thru the glass of the tanker
attacking it
scratching it
feeling restless
diving from one corner to another

my heart tightened inside
one day that shark will give up
accept that the tank was its ocean
that it was fed well
it was taken care of
it was admired

but i knew
he will die of sadness
of missing its ocean
of constant search of who it was

and then
i will carry its lifeless body
and bury it in peace in my flower pot

replacing it with a more beautiful
more silverish
more healthy shark.....

Humbled...

this is the divine quirk!! the day i was lowest ... questioning my worth, trying to locate what my reality was, assessing my downfall in life, calculating what my worthless entity would be worth of ..... here came a dear friend from blogging world and decided to pass the sweet blog award to me !!

Thank you Masked Blogger.... guess divine chose you as my messenger...  you made me smile :)

The person who receives the award is expected to:

1. Thank the person giving the award . . .  :)
2. Tell you seven facts about self . . .
3. And pass this award on to other deserving bloggers . . .

1 - Dear Masked Blogger, you made me smile today and in all its innocence and simplicity suddenly this award seems so so so encouraging... thank you for passing by when i was all alone on the road to self doubt and depression; i am smiling like a little girl who has just been handed over the ice-cream!

2. a - I exist because of my little one
b - i am boring and an incurable romantic at heart...men of honor and ethics attracted me as a teenager (Howard Roarke from The Fountainhead) and i used to dream of a past life soulmate who would talk to me only thru his eyes in the most profound and silent kind of love, he would know the child in me and would not cheat on me even if i left him in the ocean of hot bods.. how stupid i was !!
c- i talk too little - sometimes i can go quiet for days...not having a need of social touch at all
d- i talk too much - when i connect with people (my blogging friends would vouch for it!!!)
e- i am hyper emotional about a few things in life and i can cry about silly things- when i look at myself from an outsiders eyes i label myself as neurotic
f- i often wonder at the beauty of world, stars, moon, God... and smallest of thing in nature makes me very very very happy!!
g- i am still a small girl trapped in a woman's body and i feel very uncomfortable with the outside world

3 - I would like to pass this award to :
http://honey-milestogo.blogspot.com/
http://juliemooreonlife.wordpress.com/
http://velvetoversteel.blogspot.com/
http://umengine3.blogspot.com/
http://welcometomyworldofpoetry.blogspot.com/
http://thewarriorwins.blogspot.com/
http://expressionsofamadwoman.blogspot.com/
http://thinkerpositive.blogspot.com/
http://richvardhan.blogspot.com/
http://www.psychicdonut.com/
http://wildwoodflower-daybyday.blogspot.com/
http://clarissadraper.blogspot.com/
http://stuffcouldalwaysbeworse.blogspot.com/

Strokes...

He was drunk...

it was evening. 7 pm. Dhaula kuana (Delhi) in that time when i was doing my masters, 2001 was not safe for girls. I had faced events of eveteasing and had held collars of bastards who would try to whisper things in your ears or would try to grope you. Police intervention was there but it was a scary place to be in the evenings.

I had come from work and was stranded in an area only which was only 5 mts (by auto) and 10-15 mts (by walk) away from my hostel. I had to report to hostel by 7:30 pm or else doors would be locked and warden would be updated of my late coming!

I was scared and tired. i tried stopping so many autos but none of them agreed to drop me to such a short distance. the road to the hostel was the scariest road. lonely and dark. people would stop cars or they would actually approach you if you were all alone. since where i was standing was flooded with students' PG it was a little safe. i did not want to take a chance with walking. so i tried and tried. but failed

then he approached me from the crowded, young, busy, unaware population there. he was drunk!!! he belonged to either brazil or some other country and was a student who was staying in that area. i was scared. people approach you for stupid things like "will you go out with me" on those roads.... 

he asked me what was wrong with me and i burst into tears... i was crying... i told him how i HAD to be in hostel before 7:30 pm ... and no auto was stopping ... i was stuck ..

he came near me and kept his hand on my head!!! he was unstable and i was scared... oh shit....

he said in his accented tone and broken english - "you my sister, i make sure you reach hostel.. i make sure.." i was shocked!!!

this drunk guy, who could not even walk properly crossed the road and waved frantically to autos threatening them to take me to hostel.. finally his friend also arrived and they managed to stop an auto...

he gave me his flat address .. then he told the auto wala bhaiya that i had to be dropped safely , that if he would mess  up he would thrash him up ... he asked me to let warden talk to him if she said anything to me... i was speechless...

he then told me to move on... .

i don't know where  he is... don't know who he was ... but unknown to him he has become part of my treasured memories...

whenever i am sad, lonely , disillusioned .. he crosses my mind.... i have no words to express what i feel for him....the immense respect cannot be put in words....i wish life granted him the bestest.. at least today  i send my blessings to him...

he was drunk... and he made me feel the safest that day .. .i dropped all my stereotypes on drinking after i met him...